Four Green Squares

the tiny little blog no-one will ever read

Time for some news? November 28, 2016

Filed under: clarion,writing — FourGreenSquares @ 6:09 pm

After a long silence, some news….

First, my story “Lost Memories of Air” is out in Liquid Imagination. I love the teaser line (which is also the first line of the story): “I like Grandma better dead. Even when she does things like this.”

How can you NOT want to read it now?

Also, since I’m here, I’ll add a very late promo announcement for the third annual Clarion

Get your Yellow Volume now! (art by the amazing E.G. Cosh)

Get your Yellow Volume now! (art by the amazing E.G. Cosh)

2012 Awkward Robots fundraiser anthology. Titled the Yellow Volume, its available on pay-what-you-want, with all proceeds going to the Clarion Foundation to support the Clarion Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers’ Workshop.

My story is called “Half the World is Night” and its about making ice and killing monsters in the desert…


Awkbot Anthology time again–and this time, it’s Orange! October 27, 2015

Filed under: clarion,writing — FourGreenSquares @ 2:41 pm

The Awkbot Clarion Class of 2012 is once again releasing an anthology to fundraise for the Clarion Foundation–and you can grab it now for pre-order from our homepage on a pay-what-you-can basis. All money raised goes to the  Clarion Foundation.

Available now (art by E.G. Cosh)

Available now
(art by E.G. Cosh)

Just in time for Halloween, this year’s theme is Orange, and the anthology contains plenty of shivers, scares and spooky goings-on to make it the perfect thing to curl up with as the nights draw in. Curious to learn more? See what BoingBoing has to say.

Last year, we raised $1500 for Clarion, the marvel-mazing place that brought us together and gave us so much.

Hope you enjoy the stories!

Oh–right. My story.

How’s this for a teaser: In LOST MEMORIES OF AIR, the Festival for the Revered Dead draws to a close, and a young girl has to face what makes life–and the afterlife–worthwhile.

Not enough? I’ll even give you the first line:

I like Grandma better dead. Even when she does things like this.

C’mon, you know you want to find out what happens next, so grab a copy, enjoy some amazing fiction, and help support a great cause. The Orange Volume goes live on Oct. 31.


Write-a-Thon time again July 28, 2015

Filed under: clarion,writing — FourGreenSquares @ 4:26 pm
Tags: ,

Oops. Very late this year, this being the last week and all of the Clarion Write-a-Thon.

Still not too late to sponsor me or indeed any of the other amazing writers participating. All money raised goes to the Clarion workshop in the form of scholarships for students. Anything helps, srsly.

I did have a big long blog post written for the occasion, but I’m sosososo close to finishing the novel that it has simply sucked up my entire life. I will get it up here soon. Thought it’s as good a testament to Clarion as any that I’m too busy writing the novel to post on my blog, instead of the other way around…

But until then, another excerpt from Nothing and Forever below the cut.



News, news, news. Yup, that much news March 6, 2015

Filed under: clarion,writing — FourGreenSquares @ 2:59 pm

So, I said I had some news, did I?

  • So, those of you that did make the awkbot cry, here’s a chance to read my story “A Touch of Red”, which is just out in the Spring 2015 (March) issue of Mirror Dance.


  • My story “Mission Critical”, which first appeared in Luna Station Quarterly’s issue 17 , was selected to appear in its first “Best of” anthology, out later this year. It’s about an alien that eats nearly everyone and how can you not want to read it knowing that?


  • My story “Refugee Status” (one of my Clarion application stories, for the interested) has been accepted by This Dark Matter to be published the first Friday of March. Oh, yeah. Today.  The entire future is being evacuated back to present day, and it’s a love story set in one of the refugee camps. Bear in mind, it is a horror e-zine so maybe it’s not so much of a romance. Or is it…

Seeing this story in print has special meaning. This is the first short story I ever had critiqued or workshopped. God, that feeling of dread and fear expressed as an insane urge to giggle and hide under the cushions. Knowing it wasn’t right but wanting people to tell me it was perfect anyway. Ending up with loads of comments that I then had to figure out how to use, not crumple in a ball and toss under the bed, food for nightmares.
I must have done okay, because it got me in to Clarion (or at least didn’t keep me out). It’s been revised a bit since then but remains the same in essentials.
I even remember where I got the initial idea, from an exercise in The 3 a.m. Epiphany: Uncommon Writing Exercises that Transform your Fiction, by Brian Kiteley: “Use Cookery—menu preparation, the love of this process—as a way of understanding a man and a woman’s relationship to one another.”
I just happened to set the kitchen in a refugee camp, in a world having to cope with the entire future being evacuated. Once a sci-fi writer…
So much of my personal writing history is bound up in this story, along with the fact that I could never write it now. I simply would not make these plot choices again. Not that I think they are bad; I’ve just made them already. Mined that vein of inspiration, moved on.
Seeing it out in the world feels like the proper, befitting end to my “learning to write” stage. Not that I think I need to stop learning; I don’t think you can ever stop learning new things about writing, or wanting to improve. But I definitely wouldn’t call myself a beginner, either.
There you go. Stories published in the space of about a week that span about four years of my writing. Such is the strange timeline of the writer’s life.


Get yer Red Volume now October 5, 2014

Filed under: clarion,writing — FourGreenSquares @ 3:06 pm

The Red Volume is out (okay, it has been for a while–my bad).

And it’s received incredibly good reviews: Neil Gaiman recommended us on Twitter,  Cory Doctorow did the same on Boing Boing, called us its “new faves,” and Walter Jon Williams (one of our Clarion instructors) showed the love.

It’s not too late to get your copy. Available on pay-what-you-want, DRM-free, at

And E.G. Cosh, who designed the awkbot on the cover, also put together this cute little video available on youtube.

Don’t make the awkbot cry! Get your copy of the Red Volume today.


Red Volume Launch Day Approaches August 18, 2014

Filed under: clarion,writing — FourGreenSquares @ 7:58 pm

Promo-2-Awkward-robotWe’ve been working hard all summer on our fundraising anthology, and it goes out for sale in just a few weeks!

We’ll be releasing teasers for the stories in the lead up to launch day but you, loyal readers, can have mine now:

“In A Touch of Red by Deborah Bailey, a young girl waits on the banks of a blood-red river  for her mother to return—an outcome that depends on whose prayers the Goddess decides to answer.”

Our press release has received some good exposure, including on the SFWA blog:


Clarion 2012 Releases Fundraiser Antho

Clarion 2012 has issued the following: The Clarion class of 2012—known as the Awkward Robots—wants to tell you a story. Or, more precisely, seventeen stories. About post-singularity dreamscapes, gentrified haunted houses, and redcaps in the trenches at Verdun.

The Red Volume is a collection of stories largely written and revised during the Clarion Foundation’s fundraising write-a-thon, which runs concurrently with the workshop. The anthology will be available this September on a pay-what-you-can basis. Readers can snag a copy for free, or donate any amount from 99 cents up. All proceeds benefit the Clarion Foundation.

AwkBot Luke R. Pebler, whose fiction most recently appeared in the Sword and Laseranthology, proposed the idea to his cohort following a successful reading at WisCon 38. Awkward Robots Read was so well-received, Pebler wanted to put that momentum to good use. The result is a a collection of stories by writers previously published in Lightspeed, Shimmer,Strange Horizons, The New Yorker, and more. The table of contents includes Carmen Maria Machado, winner of the Richard Yates Short Fiction Prize, and Sam J. Miller, recent recipient of the Shirley Jackson Award.

But it takes more than good writing to build an anthology; AwkBot Emma Cosh holds down a day job in graphic design, and Sarah Mack (whose latest story appears in Gone Lawn 15) is a master of eBook distribution. Together, the ‘Bots have created a slick, stylish anthology packed with arresting prose. Jeffrey Ford, winner of the Nebula, Shirley Jackson and World Fantasy Awards, will write The Red Volume‘s introduction. Ford taught week one of Clarion 2012, and fondly refers to the AwkBots as “a bunch of chuckleheads.” You couldn’t ask for a better endorsement.

The Red Volume is available for pre-order at Follow @AwkBots2012 on Twitter for updates.



The Awkward Robots present: The Red Volume June 30, 2014

Filed under: clarion,writing — FourGreenSquares @ 1:42 pm

designed by the amazing E.G. Cosh

Its that time of year.  The Clarion write-a-thon is in full swing.  This year, the Clarion 2012 class is not just fundraising through accepting pledges for x amount of work. We thought it would be good to share the outcome of the all that hard summer writing.

Thus, we are pleased to announce The Red Volume, featuring stories written by the Clarion class of 2012 during the 2014 write-a-thon.

All donors to Clarion though any of our write-a-thon pages will get a copy. Good fic, better cause: can’t get more win-win than that.

In addition, all future proceeds from the anthology will be donated to the Clarion Foundation, which provides scholarships to enable people to attend Clarion. I know Clarion changed both my writing and my life, and the Clarion Foundation makes that experience available to everyone, regardless of financial status.

You know you want a copy! Sponsor me here and grab one!



Plot-hole-whack-a-mole, or the post in which there are many, many hyphens June 15, 2014

Filed under: clarion,writing — FourGreenSquares @ 7:18 pm

So, I figured out the scene.

And I really felt what Steve Pressfield calls Resistance. Words on the page like sludge instead of a cascade out of my pen. Not right. This or that? Start here or there? Before or after? Move it to later?  Am-I-a-writer-or-a-goddamn-engineer-and-why-did-no-one-warn-me-I-need-to-be-both?

That moment when the voice in your head senses its moment, slips from its crevice to pipe up, “You can’t do this, you know.  You can’t. 3rd draft and you’re  still faffing. C’mon, stop kidding yourself.”

I think my Tai chi and meditation are paying off because I’m definitely better at being self-aware about moments like this. A def. light bulb moment: Aha, Resistance, I see you.

Half the trick of such self-awareness, I’m learning, is having the vocab to parse what’s happening. Yes, names have power, and here, they let me differentiate strands of thought from the formless mass of goo at the bottom of my subconscious that occasionally births monsters to rampage across my mind.

And yes, once again as in critiquing, so in life. Thank you Clarion.

So–I was able to say, You know what, Resistance? I really want to finish this scene today. No, it won’t be perfect, but I have tomorrow to make it better. Today, I just want it done.

And I did. 🙂

I think this is why I love first draft and approach editing with, shall we say…more trepidation?

First draft: white-hot out of my brain, no time for doubts. But the mess that results…

Which is why now, done the second draft (yay me, I finished the second draft), I’m trying something new for the third draft.

My first draft, I figure out which, out of all the millions of possible stories/plot lines/directions/etc., is the one story I really want to tell. I simply can’t do this in outline because I need to get my characters walking and talking their way into trouble, to singe themselves on the forge of experience, in order to learn who they are–what their story actually is.

Second draft, I tell that story.

Normally, second draft is also where I come up with a Cool Act Three Plot Twist, change everything, and end up playing endless rounds of plot-hole-whack-a-mole until a new idea seizes my brain and I abandon the old novel, mid-draft.

Not this time.

I always write longhand, then type up the first draft  and try to edit the typescript. I hate working with typescript or on computer screen, but always told myself, “It’s stupid to write the entire thing again longhand. What a waste of time. Really. Trulio.”

So I’d type it up, then the stiff print on the page would freeze my mind and I couldn’t draw all my little arrows to marginalia and header notes that meander around the rim of the page so you actually have to turn the paper upside down to read them.  Fun.

Typescripts. Not fun.

So–Resistance, I see you. This time, I said, so what if I have to hand write it all out. I like writing longhand better, and its more fun.

That’s my goal for draft 3. Yes, I’m editing (!) and shaping (!!) and its all hanging together (!!!), this novel that fell out of my pen, but I want to keep it fun. Typescript looks like work. (Turnabout is fair play. I was so easy for my subconscious to fool for so long, only fair that I get my own back).

And I’m also realising that all my endless plot-hole-whack-a-mole has protected me from this point. I say protected because it’s almost ready to show people. So much easier to continually faff around with Act Three than actually finish.

“See, I am working,” I could say, as I hefted my hammer to bash at those plot holes. Making it better. Or different. Different is better, right? ( I should have that on a t-shirt).

Clarion really helped me realise (by which I mean it shoved my face under the water and refused to let me up to breathe until I had an NDE and saw the beckoning light) when different isn’t better, because different is taking you away from the story you really want to tell. For easily-distracted me, well, that was another amazing light bulb moment.

And here I am, halfway through editing Act One of Draft Three.

Today, I have slayed the dragon of Resistance.

Feels good.

And now I have to do it again tomorrow.


Wicked Words loose in the World May 27, 2014

Filed under: clarion,writing — FourGreenSquares @ 4:57 pm

As I mentioned before, my story “Stranger has Disconnected” was accepted for inclusion in  the first issue of Wicked Words Quarterly.  I am pleased to announce that the issue is available now!

There I am:

Stories and contributors: 
In a Tower copyright © 2014 Nicole Tanquary 
The Diary of Magreth Frogonne copyright © 2014 Phyllis Green 
The Flicker of Farolitos copyright © 2014 Matthew Barbour 
Spookmoth copyright © 2014 D.J. Cockburn 
Odin Waits copyright © 2014 Jason D’Aprile 
The City of the Wren copyright © 2014 Robin Wyatt Dunn 
Dinner Time copyright © 2014 Mai-Chi Pham 
Stranger Has Disconnected copyright © 2014 Deborah Bailey 
The Old Neighbourhoods on Mars copyright © 2014 J.J. Steinfeld 
Pipe Monster copyright © 2014 Logan Merriweather 
Mac the Repairman copyright © 2014 Adam Gaylord 
2007 OR-10 copyright © 2014 Ellen Denton 
Dare to Sleep copyright © 2014 Tony Peak 
Diamondback copyright © 2014 Teri Chetwood

This was my week 3 Clarion story. I’d written very description- and atmosphere-heavy stories in the first two weeks so I wanted something different–hello, chatlog-format story that is all dialogue. I want (again) to say thank you for all 2012-ers and amazing week 3 instructor Ted Chiang for amazing feebdack.

Which means I’m going to get my first plug in for the Clarion Write-a-thon

It runs from the end of June through the beginning of August, mirroring the workshop dates. Its a great chance to raise money for workshop scholarships, meet other Clarionauts, and if you plan to apply, to get a taste of the workshop pace.

And, direct from the website: “Remember, there are prizes! We’re giving away plaques again. But better yet, our top five fundraisers will receive free critiques from some of Clarion’s most eminent faculty and friends. Everyone who brings in $250 or more will receive a critique from a Clarion grad.” So all aspiring writers, this is a great chance to start your stories for next year and get them critiqued.

If anyone wants to sponsor me, pop on over to my writer page.

I hope you enjoy the story–let me know what you think!



The good, the better, and the ugly May 10, 2014

Filed under: clarion,the way it is,writing — FourGreenSquares @ 6:23 pm

May, May, May. What are you trying to do to me?


First, I suppose I should share the good news: My week 3 Clarion story “Stranger has Disconnected” will be in the first issue of Wicked Words Quarterly out in June. It’s about a customer service chatbot attaining sentience and contains the epic line “Eggs are made of chickens and darkness”. You know you want to read it.


I’ve also got another story passed up from slush to editorial board (informed by email), and another that (fingers crossed, going by the time frame, though I’ve not been told explicitly) I think is in the same boat. Fingers crossed.


Except to type. Or write. Yes, you can uncross your fingers for that.


Congrats are also in order to Clarion classmates Sam J. Miller for his Shirley Jackson Award nom. (Cross those fingers again—way to go, Sam!) 2012 is on a roll.


All of which makes me wish I didn’t have a day job so I could spend all my time writing.


Even when that writing is, in fact, editing. I love editing other people’s stories (my day job is an editor and copyeditor, after all) but my own…we hates it, we do.


At least when I edit other people’s manuscripts, I can make all the suggestions then…not actually have to tear up the text, muck up dialogue that interleaves perfectly, hack apart descriptions that evoke the right mood, disrupt pacing that hits all the right emotional notes yet ends at just the perfect point…Argh. Now I have to do all that again?


(Of course, revisions are also when I realise I actually failed to do any of those things the first time, so at least I get another chance. So maybe edits are a Good Thing Really.)


Nope. Still hate ’em.


I really like this novel. I wrote the first draft in a few weeks, and amazingly for me, it came out essentially structurally sound. I quickly realised, however, that I’d set it entirely in the wrong place and too close to present day. I also had the wrong job for one main character. Once I got those sorted, I dashed out another first draft, also in a few weeks.


Then, despite my gut instinct—because years of experience had drummed into me that nothing I write is ever structurally sound the first time around—I proceeded to fiddle endlessly in outline until I completely messed up the story. A friend pulled me back from the brink and the story, with a few minor tweaks, was restored to its second-first-draft form.


But there are still enough changes that I have to edit rather than simply polish. And actually edit, not just write new scenes from scratch, which tends to be easier for me most of the time.


Grr. Edits. Hiss. Did I mention I hate them?


Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaattttttttttttteeeeeeeeeeeeee them.


Just in case there was any confusion.


I’m at least trying something new. Rather than leave typing them up to the end (because I also saddle myself with the ridiculous need to write everything longhand first), I’m going to type and second-round revise as I go. Maybe not leaving myself with all the hated parts at the end will help? Maybe?


If only I had time. I can write a first draft anywhere: bus, café, hurricane… The story is in my head, and I just need pen and paper to let it fall out. But editing…I have to cram the story back into my head to work on it, and that takes more time and concentration. And silence.


And May, merry month of May, what are you doing to me?


Grand opening of the new Writers’ Studio premises (yay!), dance recitals, many, many  family birthdays, board meetings, and the tail end of dissertation season. Plus regular work…


In the grand tug of war between sleep and writing, the latter wins. Until the former takes revenge in the form of gibberish.


Have I reached that point yet?


Can’t you tell?