Four Green Squares

the tiny little blog no-one will ever read

In which I confuse even myself May 4, 2012

Filed under: clarion — FourGreenSquares @ 4:00 pm

The Clarion head-getting-around continues. Too well, in fact, as I seem to have made a complete circuit around my hopes and fears to the point I am now tying myself in knots.

The nerves, oh the nerves. Six weeks with 17 fellow participants, though from the interactions I’ve had with them so far, they all seem fab: great writers, interesting people, varied backgrounds. Lovely. And I have to spend six weeks with them.

Which is not meant to be in any way a reflection in them. But I am a hermit. I do love my alone time; time to think, time to muse, ponder, dwell, deliberate, meditate and then sleep on it. And then I get impatient, rush out and do something off the top of my head 😉

So my nerves have this little jingle jangle song going on in the back of my mind: I won’t make friends. My stories will suck. Etc. etc. etc., all a wonderful displacement activity for my insecurities.

Because I know my major impasse is my tendency to over complicate things (pause while everyone who knows me nods wildly and mutters, ‘about time she listened.’ I did listen. I just had to, yanno, cogitate over it.)

This tendency is good for coming up with twisty, intriguing plots but less good for getting things out the door quickly.

My process tends to be a bit like churning butter: start with something fluid and sweet, dump it in a dark place, keep poking at it with foreign matter and eventually end up with an accreted lump. Which I then have to let sit for a while before I can go back and mould into shape.

One of the things I’m hoping to figure out at Clarion is a way to shorten this process.

One good, clear goal. It’s a start.

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